Have you heard people complain about their marriage? Don’t we all at times? This article is how to move beyond the habit so you can calm your self down when needed, communicate effectively, and move towards greater intimacy. Remember that a complaint is when you’re talking negatively about someone, and not offering any solutions. For example: “My wife yells at me whenever we blow the budget on dinners out. Why doesn’t she chill out and worry about it later.”
How to Stop Complaining.
Tip 1 Remain calm, and zero in on what you’re grateful for, what you want, and solutions! Consider simple deep breathing techniques to soothe yourself when you feel like venting. Practice venting AWAY from your partner. Afterwards, try asking yourself if there’s anything that you can do about the situation, or is it out of your control? Breathe deeply and ask: “What are other things I’m grateful for?” “I wonder how I can bring about a win-win for dinners out?”
Tip 2 For solutions, talk about one issue at a time. Stockpiling complaints and dropping bomb after bomb keeps your partner defensive and away from resolving what’s going on. Take a moment, and think about or write down what you want. Then practice asking in a way that respects your partner. For example, “When I hear you complain about the costs of dinners out, I feel defeated. What I need is more understanding of costs. Could we talk today or tomorrow about our what we budget for dinner dates?”
Tip 3: Move Towards Greater Intimacy
After you’ve calmed yourself down, talked about your specific issue, implement your solution. As you do, you build intimacy by making a plan, which lets you have more fun with your partner! “Thank you for working together to save for dinners out! I’m grateful we can save more without too much pain, for more quality time out instead of just worrying about costs so much when we eat. I’m excited to be with you now and want to express it. Meet me in the bedroom?”
Complaining about your partner can be a thing of the past when you learn to soothe yourself, brainstorm collaboratively for specific solutions, practice communicating well, then go have more fun. Things usually aren’t as bad as our minds make us think they are! Remember how grateful you are to be an adult, to be alive, and to be able to love well. You too can get over complaining as a habit, for more fun, with these tips.