Are you tired of believing that you can’t communicate about sex? Wondering when the “stalemate” with your partner will get resolved? Interested in going beyond having to beg for sex in your intimate relationship? In relationship counseling, you can learn healthy ways to communicate about sex, so the ultra-clear “stony silence”, raging anger, or indifference, are things of the past when sex is brought up. The stalemate can be let go of through growing who you are beyond the normal stuckness of other-validated intimacy. That stuckness is when you need your partner to like you or say good things all the time about you for you to be happy. Lastly, find out how normal it is for desire to get pushed down and away for many couples, and reconnect to a natural part of living and loving fully – your expression of who you are with your partner!
First, I can teach you how important it is to hold on to yourself when you are talking about sex. Learn to calm yourself down when things between you get anxious. Go from believing you have to give up yourself to be comfortable with the “same old-same old”, to confidently expressing who you are, without making the other person wrong. This takes practice.
Secondly, when you have a clearer sense of your own self, stalemates will not seem like the end of the world, or the end of sex. Find out how normal it is to gravitate toward stalemating with your partner, and get out of it by growing who you are! Growing who you are through self-soothing can, over time, end the normal stalemating, and move you in to a more adult intimacy. Both individuals like it when they are not fighting in power struggles with each other, and can practice self-validating when they need to, which can lead to adult sexual expression in your relationship.
Third, longing for sex can be a thing of the past when you start with the fact that the partner with the least desire controls the sex! Why let them control sex when an effective orientation can be uncovered and learned, that of communicating your truths in a matter-of-fact way, letting the wisdom of what you say soak in, and enjoying your integrity! Partners I’ve done intimacy counseling with grow their respect for themselves, and their partner, begrudgingly at first, when this happens. They don’t allow the past control to keep a lid on their normal desire, and they report a more adult intimacy and sexuality with each other when the control is compassionately looked at in relationship counseling.
Through your own personal integrity, and the growth of your sexual relationship, you will notice that you’re not buying in to the old stony silence, or the indifference, or the anger! Through growth work, you will be holding on to yourself, be more alive, and confident in who you are. The normal ups and downs of adult sexuality get worked through with more skill, integrity, awareness, and maturity.