Couples Counseling and Relationship Problems: Three Tips How to Balance Head, Heart, and Sexuality.

Do you notice how our culture asks us to stay in our heads for work, solving problems, and producing solutions? There’s so much anonymity, accessibility, and approximation with computers, and they solve problems fast. Then we head home and our intimate relationship asks us to “speak from the heart” with our partner, with so much more nuance, unpredictability, and emotion than the computer. Not always an easy transition. Discover how to “be there” for your partner in a heart-felt way without dismissing what’s good about your hi-tech life, through relationship counseling. Our work life and intimate life don’t have to feel so opposed to one another. Fights don’t have to go on forever.

Tip 1. Acknowledge how alluring and all-consuming computer work is, and try different ways to let go of stress. Computers are great tools and they tend to keep people in their heads! Do you like to exercise, meditate, cook together, and/or go on walks? Keep your mind sharp with non-work leisure activities that are relaxing to your mind, and also keep your body active! The combination improves your self-worth, which can lead to more relationship satisfaction when you are happy with your self. Our minds don’t always have to “solve” problems, and bodies do not want to sit all day every day! Find your brain relaxers, plus add the body movements that reduce stress for you, then stick with them. Having fun with your bodies can lead to an increase in sexual satisfaction!

Tip 2. Practice communication skills when connecting with your partner. Isn’t it easy to want to “dump” the stress of your day when you see your partner? Give your self some time to be mindful and to decompress before communicating, which allows “roller coaster” feelings to be acknowledged – to your self. Then later try some reflective listening, and watch how your partner moves towards you when they feel heard. Learn through marriage counseling how to be present and conscious with your partner, an important skill. Then you will be filtering your strong emotions, using a balanced head and heart. Your sex life can improve when you de-stress on your own, listen well later, and express your self well.

Tip 3. Vacations, dates, and quality time are extra important! Tough economic times have people working harder and longer, so it’s important to plan a head for vacations that you both enjoy. Talk with your partner about your preferred dates and activities, then ask what they want to do. Are there places you’ve always wanted to visit? Knowledge or education you’ve always wanted to pursue together? Are hiking days or ski days enjoyable to you both? Think about a week or two together once or twice a year, with less access to the internet.

Learn how to balance your wise mind with healthy stress reduction so computers don’t overwhelm you. Practice how to self-soothe your feelings so that you can listen more productively through head and heart. This improves your sense of sense so sexual expression is from your fullness, and not from being needy. Lastly, plan long vacations away from computers so that you can connect well with your partner, recharge your body, and enjoy your sexual intimacy in deeper ways.


Jim Bowen MA LPC has been assisting individuals and couples since 1992, with offices in Boulder and Denver. Contact Jim with email or call him at 303-534-8717. Why not call for a free consultation?