Haven’t we all heard of what happened to Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, Elizabeth Taylor, Jennifer Lopez, and David Letterman, among other men and women? How can one work through the pain of an affair, and understand what happened, with the help of a counselor? What is your truth about your relationship? Since 1992, I have been assisting individuals and couples uncover what really works in their lives by offering a safe place to heal from the past.
Through counseling, find out what kind of temptations may have been happening in your life. Here are a few understandable examples how an affair or infidelity can occur:
-Reconnecting with an old partner? Sometimes this can be in a form of “internet infidelity”.
-Workplace relationship that turns in to a bigger attraction?
-Involvement with a friend who needs help? This is where emotional intimacy can lead to physical connection.
-Sex addiction? Is there a compulsion in patterns of sexual behavior acted out that bring negative consequences to yourself or others?
-Conflict avoidance? Do you and/or your partner not stand up to one another out of a fear of conflict?
-Intimacy avoidance? Partners can fight a lot just to avoid intimacy.
-Ignored needs? Partners can neglect their own needs to see after another’s.
-Exit affair? When one partner has decided to leave the relationship.
-Uneven success? When one partner has given so much time and energy to success that they are out of touch with their emotions, and feels like they are entitled to more…
Counseling for Healing: It’s Possible!
Remember each person is in charge of their own destiny! This simple tenet has assisted me in many ways as the intricacies of an affair have been worked through. I can assist you in understanding why infidelity happened, plus offer the tools, time, and compassion for you to heal and move forward with what really works for you.
1)Learn effective communication tools! Many of my clients learn to access what their feelings really are, for themselves most importantly, and how to share them appropriately with their partner over time. “I” messages, spoken from one’s heart, without making the other person bad or wrong, can be healing.
2) Learn your triggers from the past!
Individuals and couples can get through the current struggle by understanding each other’s triggers and behaviors. Understand your coping skills, and where they were learned. Many clients tell me that they understand what they did in childhood to survive emotionally wasn’t helpful in an adult relationship.
3) Drop talking to family and friends, especially if they are really cutting one of you down. Good intentions are possible from them, but is one or the other of you being highly criticized? Why not talk with a counselor and find out what your effective healing plan can be?
What are the new communication and coping skills?
The coping skills can include healthy relationship boundaries, subtle breath work for self-soothing your normal anxiety, mindfulness practices, and communication skills. Learn from your mistakes, so that as an effective person, or as an effective couple, you can map out a healing plan of action for what you can do differently in the future.