Relationship Mismatch? Three Ways in Couples Counseling To Go Beyond Apparent Incompatibility For Increased Sexual Intimacy

distance, fighting, no communication

Do you feel like on of you is from Mars, and the other from Venus? How could someone who was so romantic and similar become so distasteful and extremely different from you? Through relationship therapy uncover how personality, communication habits, and family history differences DON’T have to lead to relationship breakup. Learn the tools and find out how much more sexual intimacy you can have together! Tip: find out how to expand the lenses that you see your partner with!

Everyone has a personality, sometimes healthy, at times average, and once in a while unhealthy. Why not take a personality test – I use the system called the enneagram – to begin to understand in therapy your own cues how to maintain health! Plus, when you see your partner’s personality habits through testing, you can expand how you see them, instead of instant disdain or judgment. Tip: They are doing things all the time that are NOT about you, even though it feels like it is.Enneagramwithtitles for increased sexual intimacy

Why is it so hard to communicate and fight fairly? This is a normal relationship knot that leads to quickly escalating fights! In counseling, learn how to untie this normal knot with communication skills such as reflective listening, “I” messages, and healthy boundaries. Reflective listening slows down the escalations so you can have a “win-win” discussion, where both of you listen so you can resolve your issues in a balanced way, so the outcomes work for both of you! “I” messages are another way of talking where the word “You!” is replaced, so both of you feel less attacked personally by the other, an old habit of many. Learn and adopt energetic boundaries, a way of mutually respecting each other, and maintaining healthy contact, instead of smothering or distancing yourselves from each other.

Have you noticed that your partner is kind of like their family members? In couples therapy, find out how your own family affects you in your relationship, and learn to go beyond judgment about it. In other words, writing out a “family tree” on a big piece of paper in therapy can help you both understand and accept each other more. THEIR patterns and yours can be approached in new ways that lead to increased intimacy. Blame and judgment are old coping mechanisms that can fall away as you learn healthy ways to see your self and your partner.

Happy Couple Kissing: Self-validation can enhance emotional intimacy!

Personality differences can go from a “mismatch” to an acceptance of how BOTH of your personalities can grow towards healthy outlooks, intentions, and expectations. Communicate through a “win-win” balance of reflective listening, fighting fairly, and using “I” messages. Lastly, both of your family habits can be seen, understood, and moved beyond over time, so that fun, healthy intimacy happens more and more for you. What’s to lose? Uncover your inherent compatibilities, untie angry old knots through understanding, and learn relationship-enhancing techniques for a long-lasting match!


Jim Bowen MA LPC has been assisting individuals and couples since 1992, with offices in Boulder and Denver. Contact Jim with email or call him at 303-534-8717. Why not call for a free consultation?