Does it feel like you fight all the time in your relationship? Have the same old fights led to feelings of “gridlock”, or feeling “trapped” in a sexless marriage? Marriage therapy and mindfulness can bring you and yours more ease, relaxation, and better sexual intimacy.
Pay attention to how your body and heart contracts with negativity, and expands with positive energy, both from within you, and from your partner. Are you trying to use a kind of effort or willpower to get what you want from your partner? Learn how to get anger moved out of your body when you’re not with your loved one, then come back more open-minded, to be with them later. With mindfulness, cultivate a relaxed, interested, kind awareness, which brings an ease inside your self, as you relate with your partner. Wonder about your partner through a genuine interest in them, and you’ll feel more connected to your self AND to the other. Be interested and curious about what’s going on FOR THEM, while at the same time tune in to your own aliveness and satisfaction.
You are in charge of your aliveness! Quit grasping – you are in charge of your satisfaction as an adult. It’s our minds, which bring up childhood memories of being taken care of, which make it difficult to believe we are in charge or our aliveness. Remember our minds have no shame, and you can feel out of control with your minds’ thoughts. You don’t have to blame your self! See about getting to the place of humor and extra space as you notice: “What a mind!” Laugh at it instead of being the butt of your “serious” mind. Take it easy, and lighten up while you can, as the Eagles song suggests! One can shift the somberness in relationship.
With your ease, mindfulness, and positive expansion, explore talking with your partner about how sex could increase, deepen, and be more meaningful for you both. Individual and couples counseling can provide a safe place to grow the ease and intention of having more fun and pleasure with each other, instead of fighting so much. Be kind to your own conditioned mind, and kind to your partners’ mind too! You don’t have to take conditioned thoughts so personally when you or your partner loses it! Remember you are in charge of your own of your own aliveness and satisfaction.