Couples Counseling and Weight Gain: How to Foster Better Sexual Intimacy

Have you or your partner gained weight, and noticed less desire, attraction, and sex in your relationship?  This is normal, and these feelings can affect self-esteem and relationship satisfaction.  You can learn how to “want to want” sex from the best of your self.  You don’t have to turn off your sex energy because of the others size!  You can repair the relationship and work on weight issues together without becoming a police person to your partner.


Forbidden Topic

Weight gain talks are tricky!  Women talk among friends about slenderizing foods, or clothes, and about exercising more.   Men seem to talk less about their paunches but know that heart attack potentials and weight gain mark a passage from their more slender youth.  Couples don’t often talk constructively about weight gain issues and how sexual intimacy is affected.  Some possible causes of gaining weight:  slowing metabolisms, hormones, post-partum issues, perimenopause to menopause, life style, thyroid issues, food choices, alcohol, anxiety, depression, medication, and injuries, to name a few.  Find out where you and your partner get tripped up.


Couples counseling teaches safe ways to talk about weight gain and sexual issues constructively.  It costs to avoid sexuality!    Spontaneous affection can suffer, plus kissing, and other previous ways of being close, can stop for fear of giving a false message of sexual interest!  Relationship counseling can teach you how important it is to “want to want”, as an expression of your own positive sense of self as you express your sexuality in the relationship.  Everyone gets normally caught up in attraction-related desire, when it is possible as we mature to move towards expressing your good self through sex.


What role does shame play?  Weight gain can imply loss of control, getting older, and grumpiness.  Talk about it in a productive way!  Communicate with a true mutuality, one that’s not about reassurance, or attacking the other.  Bring in the truth of love, with ones imperfections and compromises talked over in constructive ways.

How has weight affected your relationship?  Be honest without being attacking.  Millions gain weight, it happens, and you can work towards letting go of shame.    Be accepting yourself as a couple and accepting the others thoughts, feelings and ideas for some useful goals, agreed to and worked on over a period of time.  Deal with what has changed and move forward at a pace that works for you both.




Jim Bowen MA LPC has been assisting individuals and couples since 1992, with offices in Boulder and Denver. Contact Jim with email or call him at 303-534-8717. Why not call for a free consultation?