Counseling and Rehabilitation for the Treatment of Porn Addiction. Three Therapist Tips for Stress Relief, Self-Soothing, Anxiety Treatment, and Increased Sexual Intimacy – Without The Pictures, Movies, or Laptop.

What is porn addiction? What do you do with the urge to look at beautiful women? How do you act on that normal instinct? Are your actions satisfying to you or do you feel less pleasure, and more intimacy problems, as time goes on? What if you could learn how to fully release the tension associated with normal sexual energy WITHOUT having to resort to images, clubs, or movies of sex? Talking with clients, I’ve learned they don’t often feel pleasure after months or years of this pattern of getting off quickly through pictures, or movies about sex.

What can you do to have a healthy response to all this?

Tip 1: Learn about the normal dependencies we all experienced as babies, called object relations. Isn’t it true that human babies are dependent on their mothers the most for love, nutrition, changing, etc? The human baby can not take care of itself well, as the first year is all about dependency and growing/bonding outside the womb. Could that dependency habit be continuing for you as an adult and you don’t even know it? Think about it. Many people believe they have to have an image of a breast or naked woman (which is ultimately an image of Mother, who soothed all of us when we were babies) to soothe them, to take care of them, to get them off. It’s normal, and it’s not the complete or mature story of what it means to be an adult. Adults can increase emotional intimacy and learn to self-soothe, or self-regulate, without the objects of desire, and this is somewhat rare.

Tip 2: Fully release energy sexually, instead of a quick discharge. Practice building up oxygen in your own body with breathing techniques oriented towards a calmness and an aliveness from within, while staying present, so quicker “genital orgasms” can be saved for another time, or even decrease them from your sexual experience. In other words, most people believe it’s only the OTHER person, the movie, or the sexy pictures that gets them excited, and they use these images for a fast orgasm. Not very satisfying! It’s not the only way! When you learn to practice on your own how to be grounded in your body, add oxygen with quick breaths, followed each time with slower, grounded belly breaths, to spread the pleasurable oxygen throughout your body. You will enjoy an internal EXCITEMENT that is deeper and more fundamental than a quick discharge. A kind of warmth and tingling can originate from your own extra oxygen in your body that enhances sexual expression whether you are with your partner or not. A key is it to keep your body grounded through your feet or knees, stay relaxed, and remember to look around, which keeps your eyes from “zoning out”. Stay present even with high oxygen intake, which takes practice.

Tip 3: Enjoy sex with your partner more, since it can become an “extra”, a “gift”, instead of a “duty”, “obligation”, or a “need”. When you really know and practice your own sexual satisfaction without basing it on an ideal person-image, laptop screen or other external turn-on, you will be pleasantly surprised at how your body knows what to do when you’re not pushing it for a quick discharge. In other words, full body orgasms are a NATURAL REFLEX in the body that you can learn on your own, and yes, they take a little time to build up to! Through individual or couples counseling learn to enjoy that buildup time, instead of always pushing for quick satisfaction by rubbing your genitals for a quick discharge of tension. So many people breath at the very end of sex when they’re close to an orgasm. While not wrong, it’s backwards, in that clients have learned to take some time at home to breathe FIRST and spread the pleasurable oxygen charge throughout their body, which leads to a full-body orgasm later. With maturity and practice you can love more fully as you practice IBP breathwork to build up your charge from within. When you’re practicing this, you’re not in an object relation with your partner or dependent on them to get you off. This idea is learn to build up your own charge while touching and looking at your partner, yet not dependent on them to turn you on, as your oxygen is slowly turning your self on, and the contact with them is extra! You can share the experience of extra oxygen together, tingling and pulsing, instead of “needing” them to gratify you quickly, since you know how to excite, gratify, and soothe yourself in electrifying ways! Then your sex can become electrifying for two, as you individually bring up the amount of charge (oxygen) in each of you. Monitor, notice, appreciate and allow oxygen to flow, tingle, and pulse while you’re sexual. You really can have fun with your own oxygen while also paying attention to your partners oxygen levels, without being dependent on them!

 

Jim Bowen MA LPC has been assisting individuals and couples since 1992, with offices in Boulder and Denver. Contact Jim with email or call him at 303-534-8717. Why not call for a free consultation?